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Thread: Complaints to UK councils.

  1. #1
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    Complaints to UK councils.

    Complaints to UK Councils


    Extracts from letters written to local councils:


    1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

    3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back
    passage.

    4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that
    blew them off.

    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

    11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawer.

    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it's a funny colour and not fit to drink.

    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his **** wakes me up and it's
    now getting too much for me.

    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to
    do something about it.

    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by
    the man on top of me every night.

    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

    23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more.
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  2. #2
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  3. #3
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    Letters from council house tennents I presume?

    Love them - put a smile on my face - thanks

    There are simillar ones from people writing to the child support agencies (i'll try and dig them out)

    JJ

    www.forfour.co.uk - forfour technical forum
    www.evilution.co.uk
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  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by problemchild1976 View Post
    ...council house tennents....
    My old Dad used to love Tennents, does anyone else remember the innocent pictures of lovely young women that they put on the cans?
    Council house tennents must be the 9% stuff?
    John
    2011 Pulse CDi

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by JPB View Post
    My old Dad used to love Tennents, does anyone else remember the innocent pictures of lovely young women that they put on the cans?
    Council house tennents must be the 9% stuff?
    I thought it was a little higher then 9%....mixed with Gaymer's K and you got a real good hangover the next....er, day after next.
    Used to drink loads of Special Brew....but now just the smell of it turns my stomach over.

  6. #6
    Join Date
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    In a similar vein, 2 true stories, I know of 2 homeless families who were made offers by the local homelessness unit of permanent accommodation.

    One single parent refused a flat because her new DFS leather couch didn't fit in the livingroom!

    Another turned down a brand new house because the fully fitted kitchen was too small for her American sized fridge freezer!

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
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    tenants - my bad

    tennents was better that hofmeister special brew (bear pi55)

    anyway - CSA (child support agency) funny letters...

    01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

    02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

    03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

    04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

    05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

    06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

    07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

    08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

    09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

    10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

    11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

    JJ

    www.forfour.co.uk - forfour technical forum
    www.evilution.co.uk
    www.quidco.com << CLICK - cash back on car insurance and online purchases

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