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Thread: A Thread For Jokes.

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Norway
    Posts
    2,657
    You all know I'm not prudiced in any way, so take this as it has to be:

    Black man has to go see his doctor.
    Comes home wearing a suit, tie, bowler hat, brief-case in one hand, brolly in the other.

    Wife asks him what he's doing.

    He says "Doctor says I's impotent, so I's gotta LOOK impotant!"""

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Southport
    Posts
    1,098
    English man a Scots man and an Irish man walk into a bar. The barman looks at them and says "Is this some kind of joke??"

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Rugby
    Posts
    3,166
    How do you make Grandma's toes curl?

    F**k her with her tights on.

    Anastasia
    Mr Poo - Mk5 450 Pulse
    Honky - 451 Passion Diesel
    Nellie - 2014 Mitsubishi Outlander

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Southport
    Posts
    1,098
    You are naughty, (but nice)

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Chorley
    Posts
    28
    3 dogs in the vets, a chihuahua, a poodle and a great dane. The poodle asks the chihuahua "what are you in for?".
    The chihuahua says "Well, usually I'm a good dog but I have a huge problem with the post man. I don't know why, I just have to bite him and I gave him a serious injury. They're going to put me to sleep today. What are you in for?".
    The poodle replies "Well, I'm usually a good dog but my owners son always sticks his finger in my food while I'm eating. When he does that, I bite him. I really hurt him so they're going to put me to sleep.
    Both turn to the great dane and ask what he was in for. The great dane says "Usually I'm a good dog but my owner must be one of the hottest women in the world with a hot rack and a sexy ass. One day when she got out of the shower, she bent over to get a towel. When she did, I lost it. I mounted her and started going at it!!".
    The other 2 dogs stared at the great dane and said "Damn man! they're going to put you to sleep for that???".

    The great dane replies "Hell no, I'm just here to get my claws trimmed!!!"

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Norway
    Posts
    2,657
    2 farmers talking in a pub.
    One says "My best hen's stopped laying."
    Other says " I can fix her, I have a Randy Rooster! I'll drop him off tonight."
    Next morning, hen is laying drained in the coop, looks up at the farmer and says "Wow, that damned Randy Rooster!"
    Farmer looks in his field...there's a sheep laying on the floor so goes to investigate.
    Sheep says "Wow, that damned Randy Rooster!"
    Farmer walks around, and sees one of his prize sows collapsed in the pen...Pig looks at hime and says "Wow, that damned Randy Rooster!"
    He wanders into the pasture, and sees one of his horses prone on the grass.....mare says "Wow, that damned Randy Rooster!"
    He walks a little further and sees one of his cows not moving...goes up to it, she rasies her head and says "Wow, that damned Randy Rooster!"

    He looks a little further, and spots a vulture circling above a mound in the grass.
    Runs up to the place and sees the Randy Rooster, looking dead on the ground.
    He bends down to pick it up, and the Rooster says "B*gger off!!!! That vultures next!"

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Southport
    Posts
    1,098
    A woman was in a coma. One day the nurses noticed a slight response whilst washing her 'down there'. Thay told her husband about it, and suggested that he try a little fellatio to see if it may bring her round. A few minutes later her monitor flatlined- no pulse at all. The nurses rushed in-"what happened?" The husband replied" well i did what you said, I think she choked!"

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Ecosse
    Posts
    3,803
    Female weightlifter goes to the doctor" I've been taking steroids & seem to have grown a cock".

    "Anabolic?" asks the doctor.

    "No just a cock" says the woman.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Southport
    Posts
    1,098
    Paddy, Niall and Liam are riding home from the pub on Paddy's motorbike when they're stopped by a traffic cop."This motorcycle is only licenced to carry two people," says the cop. "There's three of you, so someone'll have to get off and walk.""Three of us?" says Paddy, turning to Liam. "What the feck happened to Mick and Rory?"

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Ross on Wye
    Posts
    5
    I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

    I was, like, 0mg.

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